6 Things People with Depression Wish You Knew | Mental Health

Disclaimer: This post stems mostly from personal experience, and from that of my friends' - I'm in no way suggesting that all depression incites the same reactions, or that everyone who's depressed behaves the same way.
These are just some things that happen to a lot of depressed people, and isn't always easy to explain.
1. WE GET LONELY. A LOT.
In a room full of crowded people. Late at night. During the working day. Sometimes, it just hits us, for no reason at all...but that doesn't mean we don't appreciate you checking up on us, spending time with us, and just generally being around. 

2. WE BLAME OURSELVES. FOR EVERYTHING.
If someone doesn't respond to our message in the group chat? We said something stupid. If we don't get included in plans with friends? No one wants us around. That time our drink got spiked and we threw up in the back of a cab? How could we possibly be so stupid?
No, it doesn't make sense, and yes, basic logic would deduce a million reasons why we weren't to blame, but we'll still find a way. We're not looking for attention, we're genuinely worried we've done something wrong. 

3. WE'LL PROBABLY BE A PAIN TO KEEP IN TOUCH WITH.
Sometimes, we just need to not talk to anyone, to have a little time alone. No, it's not always healthy to isolate ourselves, but sometimes it's the only way to cope. The best invitation in the world, be it our best friend's birthday, an interview, or the wedding of the century, probably won't pull us out of our cocoon. It's nothing personal, and it doesn't mean we don't care about you. Honestly.

4. WE NEED REASSURANCE. A LOT.
'Are you sure it's okay?', 'how about this bit?', 'really?': we're not fishing for compliments, but if we did well, we really need to know. And we probably need to check, at least 5 times. Whether you're a colleague, a friend, our SO, whether you have to explain a thousand times that we haven't screwed up, why you love us, or why you keep us around...just be patient. 

5. SOMETIMES, WE SNAP. IT'S NOT PRETTY.
Depression can do weird things to our perception. We'll bottle things that bother us up for months - things that we maybe know are irrational - and eventually, it gets too much, and we explode. That comment you made 6 weeks ago, that thing you didn't invite us to, last month? It all bubbles to the surface, and our hurt feelings all come out, at once. It's not because we've been building a case against you, or harbouring resentment, we just try to tell ourselves it's all in our head, sometimes, and it doesn't always work. We know it's wrong, but it's just how we cope.

6. WE CAN'T 'SNAP OUT OF IT'.
We wish we could. We know it hurts you, too. We know we don't always handle things well, and that we don't have the healthiest of coping mechanisms. If we could just 'get over it', we would. 
Do you have depression, or know someone who does? What do you wish you could tell people about it?
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Charlotte Tilbury Colour-Coded Eyeshadows | Review

I've been raving about how much of a Charlotte Tilbury convert I am on my Twitter for a couple of months, now, and in last night's #bbloggers chat, I couldn't stop raving about the colour-coded eyeshadow quads...which is around about the time I realised a review was long overdue.
 THE VINTAGE VAMP
This was the first Charlotte Tilbury product I ever bought, and it really kick-started my obsession; maybe I'm just a giant blogger stereotype, but anything rose gold has me ready to declare my undying love, and this was no exception; it's a nice twist on a classic smoky eye, without being so pink that it makes you look like you just need a good night's sleep. 
THE GLAMOUR MUSE
From my first palette to my newest; this gorgeous purple-hued palette is the latest purchase I've made, and it's probably one of the best I've made, too. I was a little intimidated by the vivid tones in this selection when I first saw it - I like quite subtle shades, on my eyes (one too many run-ins with the old Barry M 'Dazzle Dusts' when I was younger - not cute!) - but having swatched it in-store, it's a lot more subtle than it looks, and super wearable. Think smoky eye, with a purple overlay.
THE GOLDEN GODDESS
Last, but by no means least, my absolute favourite eyeshadow quad, possibly ever. Doesn't sound like much of a claim, until you see how many I actually own...but trust me, there are a lot of contenders. 'The Golden Goddess' lives up to its name, perfectly. It's not that bright, brassy gold you used to pair with your electric blue mascara during secondary school summers (just me? Oh, that's awkward), it's deep gold, verging-on-brown, but with the gorgeous shimmer that'll take you from day to night, when you need it to. I can't recommend this one, enough.

OVERALL
I can't recommend the Charlotte Tilbury colour-coded eyeshadow quads enough. They're obscenely long-lasting (I fell asleep with my eye make up still on after the work Christmas party, and I was still channeling 'vintage vamp' at 7am the next day...whoops), and have really buildable shades. Plus, the back of the palette reminds you exactly what each shade is for (prime/enhance/smoke/pop), which is great if you're going from work to drinks or dancing. Yes, they're pricey. Very pricey, when you're living that #brokelife, like I am, but honestly, I'd rather have one or two of these than all of my Naked palettes, combined.
Charlotte Tilbury Colour-Coded Eyeshadow Quads retail for £38, and can be purchased here.
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How I Intend to Have a Happier 2016 | Wellbeing

It's my goal, every new year, to make this one better than the last - because, well, who doesn't want to improve on that one crucial thing?
2015 was a complete rollercoaster, for me, but I did my best to enjoy every moment of the highs, and try not to stew on the lows, too much, and I figured I'd share some of the ways I tried to make myself a little more positive, for 2015, and new things I'm trying out for the year ahead.
Disclaimer: I know this should go without saying, but I am not, in any way, suggesting you can 'out-think' depression (or any mental health issue, for that matter). I believe letting go of some negative behaviours can help us, in our day-to-day lives, but if you're suffering from any mental health problem, there's always going to be a lot of your mood that you can't control. 
1. STOP COMPARING
Easier said than done, I know, but 'comparison is the thief of joy', and I think we're all a little guilty of this one. Whether you're comparing your professional success to that of someone in your graduating class, comparing your follower count to another bloggers', or comparing what you can see of someone's happiness to your own, it's a dangerous trap to fall into. No matter how close you are to someone, or how much of their life you think you can see, you'll never know the things that keep them up at night, and you'll never see more than they want you to.
I'm terrible for this; 'oh wow, her life's so glamourous, and I'm sat here in my sweatpants at 5pm on a Saturday'...as if it's a competition.
Let's stop being so hard on ourselves, eh?

2. STOP STALKING
..on social media, that is; although, I'd also encourage you to put down the night-vision goggles.
I always try not to do this, because I think there's often a huge discrepancy between how a person wants to be perceived on Twitter or Instagram, and how they are in real life. How many times has a single Tweet changed your opinion of a person? Now what if it was that charming guy from work, or that funny girl on the same course as you? That could've been a great friendship that you've now turned yourself off of, and all for the sake of a sentence they fired off late one night, and have since forgotten all about. For 2016, I'm banning myself from going near anyone's social media until I've gotten to know them in the 'real world'.

3. LET IT GO
Definitely didn't start doing my best Elsa impersonation as I typed that. At all. I'd like to think I'm pretty good at not holding a grudge, but in reality, the Italian in me can be pretty good at letting someone know when they're in her bad books. For 2016, I'm trying to learn to let go of a little more; we're all human, and people make mistakes. You don't have to be best friends with someone who's hurt you, but you're only damaging yourself if you continue to hold on to the anger surrounding it.

4. CUT THE BAD VIBES
Speaking of people who've hurt you, 2015 was a big year for me in terms of learning to cut some of the negative energy out of my life, and letting go of some relationships that weren't doing me any good. Sometimes, you grow apart from people, and that's okay - but fighting it, trying to make it something it's not, and getting upset or angry with the other person because neither of you want the same things or have much in common anymore...that's not. It's no one's fault if a relationship or friendship doesn't work, any more, but if it's a source of negativity, I'd strongly recommend taking a step back, so you can be civil, at least. You deserve people in your life that help you grow and flourish, and there's nothing wrong with knowing that.

5. TAKE MORE CHANCES
This is definitely something I was really trying to focus on for the last half of 2015, and something I definitely want to be much better at in 2016. I obviously can't speak for all of you, but I know that for me, when things get hard or stressful, I have a tendency to shut myself away from everyone, make excuses in my head for why I shouldn't do things...I've even managed to cancel an interview because I was so nervous beforehand that I threw up. A lot. My main focus for 2016 is to go out on a limb, more.
What do you intend to do in 2016 to make it your best year, ever?
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2016 | New Year, New Blog

Well, would you look at that? It's 2016 already!
Is it just me, or did the past twelve months kind of fly by? Maybe I've just been in my own little bubble for the whole of 2015 - it wouldn't be surprising. Or new.
2015 was a bit of a weird one, for me; a year of contradictions. I cut a lot of people out of my life, this year...and in turn, cemented friendships with some of the best friends I could have ever asked for. I adopted two gorgeous kittens, and in turn, became an avid supporter of the #adoptdontshop movement, volunteering in places that broke my heart, a little. I got a new job, and met some incredible people, and employers who fully supported my need for time off when my PTSD flared up. I found a creative spark, somewhere in me, and used it to fuel my own business (more on that, soon), as well as co-founding Effie Box, with one of my closest friends. And, finally, I lost someone who I once thought might be the love of my life (I was young and naïve), and tried to channel that energy into making peace with the things I couldn't control.
There have definitely been ups and downs, but I am so grateful for this year, and the power it's given me to grow, and because of these extremes, I feel like I'm finally ready to pour myself back into blogging.
So, hi, and welcome to francescasophia.co.uk!
It's my new baby. Whilst I loved on-thebias and all the friends and events and brands and experiences it created for me, it was a blog I started when I was, what, 18? And it finally felt like I was ready for something new. The old archives are still around, so you can still peek at the weird little creature I once was, but from now on, I'm going to be blogging a bit more of a range of things, and hopefully sticking to it a little better, too!
So, that's where I've been, what I've been doing, and what this new blog is all about...I hope you'll stick around for the journey, I think it'll be a good one!
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